Victim of my own success?

When I first started this blog post, back in December of 2017, it was supposed to be about my photography. I had been through a slump, I believe I was actually depressed, and while I had gotten a new camera body (Sony A6000 [ILCE-6000]), one of the upgrades I really wanted, It felt like my photography wasn’t anywhere near as “good” as it “used to be”.

I would have “great” ideas, and fail to execute them. I would take a bunch of “awesome” shots, then get into light-room, and they all looked like trash (to me). I knew I had just spent so much money on a camera, and it had been a waste. There was no other option in my mind.

But it turns out, my brain was playing tricks on me. As I said before, I think I was entering a depression. The kind of thing they call a functional depression.

I was getting up every day, taking care of work, even excelling at it at times. I was taking care of NijaBaby, and my needs as a new husband. I was handling as best I could. But every time I looked at my photography, something that had before that point caused me so much joy, I just felt disgusted. I hated myself. I knew I was a fraud.

When I planned this post, I planned to talk about how I was certain I had maxed out the use of my old A3000, and how I had planned my purchase, and moved towards the new (to me) a6000 when I found it used for a good price at a local camera shop. I wanted to talk about how I had done all the research and known what it could do for my photography. I wanted to talk about how even tho I kept telling everyone I talked to “The photographer means more than the camera” that I had fallen down the same deadly rabbit hole of every other “newbie” I knew, cementing me as a newbie forever, and made a useless upgrade.

When our Disney trip came around, I was hopeful again. I knew I could get absolutely nothing but perfect shots at Disney. I carried two cameras with me nearly every where I went, and had A’s new A5000 within an stones throw most the time if for some reason I needed it.  But that’s when disaster struck.

You see, because I had been so depressed before this trip, I didn’t take the time to care for my equipment. My A6000 had several dust spots on the sensor, and my 55-210mm lens was dropped no less than 3 times during the Disney Vacation, and now it’s all but permanently out of commission. The optics seem fine and perfectly in line, but the aperture blades never seem to open no matter what I set the aperture to in the camera.

So every night when we got back to the hotel, I would dump my memory cards to my new tablet. What I knew would have the best screen of anything I owned. And be the best possible place to play with light-room, and well, again… Everything SUCKED. IT was all trash. Nothing came out. Photos I knew should have been tac-sharp were blury, and ugly and not worth the time to deal with.

Now a couple months went by and I picked up my cameras again. Something stirred in me and I decided I needed to go take some pictures. But because I had again, not been taking care of my gear, all of the batteries were dead, and again, I just gave up.

And a few weeks went by, and I charged my batteries, and I got my camera stuff together, and I decided to dump the pictures again to my big computer. and you know what I found?

They Were NOT Complete CRAP!

Most of the photos were actually quite beautiful. They weren’t all as perfect as I had originally hoped, but they were all something. And so I started editing them. And more importantly, I started taking pictures again.

Which brings me back to the “new” purpose of this blog…

Is anyone listening?

Seriously, are you there?

Do you still care?

Did I neglect this blog so much that no one really cares any more?

I ask these questions as I’m not seing any new comments. No likes on my posts to Facebook, no likes on the blog. I’m even barely seeing any readership whatsoever.

I wanted to apologize greatly for the down time, and for the neglect. I know there is such a thing as “too little too late” but I was really hoping we hadn’t hit that mark.

I currently have a “photography” blog that is separate from this (two of them actually), and I was thinking of bringing a lot of the photography content here instead. Kind of consolidating things. But I’m not sure.

Is it time for this blog to go? Has it passed it’s prime like I had previously thought my photography had?

Please let us know. Comment below, comment on Facebook, send us text-messages, or emails, or scream at us if you see us in person. Let us hear your voice and we will keep going, I promise.

I just don’t want to keep screaming into the darkness if there is no one listening.

-R

P.S. As a reward for reading this whole blog here are some random Disney pictures, that were “complete and utter trash” 🙂

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